Who invited the elephant?

This year has been full of ups and downs.  I'd be lying if I said I hadn't questioned my decision to be in the I ho Chuan and grade for my blackbelt.  In fact, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't questioned it many times this past year.  This year has been similar to past years with the peaks and the valleys, but much more extreme. And yes, my peaks have been more extreme as well.  I have experienced some amazing break throughs, both physically and mentally, when it comes to life, work, kung fu and my journey beyond mediocrity.  It is difficult to navigate that fine line of progressing at the right sustainable pace while not allowing life's circumstances or situations to become an excuse to stop that progression or even slow it down more than it needs to be.  It is difficult because there is no black and white rule, this is something that is completely subjective.  Then to add another layer of complexity, when we talk about bench marks and artificial timelines, I then have to fit this subjective training/progression into a primarily objective testing system.

This is where the big picture perspective is so important. The bench marking and the testing are not the end point, they are merely tools needed to ensure you are going in the right general direction. Regardless of an outcome of a test, the only failure would be if one chooses not to learn from it.  We are conditioned in life to view tests or exams as the destination.  In fact, what do we call an exam at the end of a course or a term? We call it a "final".  I suppose the term "written learning opportunity to prepare you for the next course" is a bit wordy, but arguably more accurate.

As grading comes closer, I am not sure how things will go from an objective standpoint. It is a stressor at first take, but I continually remind myself it is not the end point, it is an important tool to assist me in achieving my larger goals.  Then the old ego likes to chime in now and then and voice its two cents;  "You could do these kicks way better last year.", "You've started anew so many times, what's the point? You'll just have to start again." and the grand daddy of them all, "What will people think of you if you fail?".  If you are not careful, your ego can derail your journey.  It is important to keep it always in check. Self awareness is so important for this.  Egos like to hide weaknesses, they put them in dark corners where you can't see them, whisk them off to a cluttered garage, attic or storage room.  They allow you to forget about them, that is until you decide to clean house.  By this point, how many weaknesses has your ego hid? When cleaning day finally comes around, you have a pile the size of...well, lets say...an elephant.  Now you have option but to talk about the elephant in the room. This is why it is imperative to keep your weaknesses and struggles in front of you in plain sight.

As the months have turned to weeks and as the weeks soon will turn to days, I am not only keeping my weaknesses in front of me, but my strengths as well.  I am preparing for grading day to put my best foot forward, but in a way not to derail my overall journey.

Thanks for reading, more to come on this I am sure.

Mike